Best Magazine Cover Ever

December 16th, 2010 · 12 Comments · By

So, a copy of this magazine has been sitting in my bathroom, on top of the toilet, for the past few weeks (not put there by me):

I end up seeing it every time I go into the bathroom, and each time I find something else about it that is hilarious or baffling or noteworthy. Here are 7  reasons this might be the best magazine cover of the century thus far:

1) the fact that there exists a publication entitled “Hip Hop Weekly” which looks more or less identical to US Weekly (same layout, same writing style, pretty much the same font on the logo, even), except it’s all about Hip-Hop;

2) the fact that apparently there are accusations going around that Kanye West is a member of the Bavarian Illuminati, as if Kanye and Adam Weisshaupt were mere steps away from establishing the New World Order;

3) the suggestion that these allegations are so widespread and/or credible that they merit an entire cover story in Hip Hop Weekly devoted to investigating the truth of these rumors (an “HHW Exclusive!” no less);

4) that implication that Hip-Hop Weekly apparently believes that the Illuminati is an actual thing, and by extension the assumption that their readers also think it’s real (or more likely, they hadn’t even given it any consideration, and just don’t care — either way, it’s funny);

5) my personal favorite — the fact Kanye’s response is neither a denial, nor defensiveness, nor a debunking, nor a dismissal; no, his response is to be indignant because he hasn’t been invited to join the Illuminati (which he also, apparently, believes is a real organization — and furthermore, one that he wants to join);

6) the syntax and punctuation in Kanye’s response is clearly written in “tweet” format, suggesting either that: a) it was quoted from an actual tweet, and cut-pasted verbatim into the magazine’s People Weekly-ish cover layout template (forgetting to close their quote-marks, even); or even better, the possibility that b) it was actually spoken aloud by Kanye, but Hip Hop Weekly either deliberately or unconsciously wrote it out as a tweet because Twitter is now the primary medium in which we experience Kanye West;  and lastly:

7) Don King!

Tags: rants & rambles

12 responses so far ↓

  • 1 nick // Dec 16, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    8) It’s in your bathroom

  • 2 nick // Dec 16, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    uh, what’s with the smiley sun? did i press the wrong button?

  • 3 nick // Dec 16, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    Oh, that was supposed to be:

    #8 It’s in your bathroom

    apparently nobody ever types an “8” and a “)” consecutively unless they really mean “smiling sun, wearing sunglasses”

  • 4 James // Dec 16, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    ugh, yeah WordPress automatically turns anything it interprets as “emoticons” into those smarmy-ass smiley-logo things (and puts ugly little boxes around them, too) — I always have to go into the site’s back-end and put some spaces inbetween so they show up as : ) instead of 🙂 … it’s a pain in the ass.

  • 5 Jacob // Dec 16, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Agreed, Nick. That’s definitely Number 8.

    Also, Kanye looks like he’s about to get abducted Fire In The Sky style, and is giving the spaceship his best “the fuck is that thing in the sky?!” look right before it blasts him with the big beam of light.

  • 6 Hunter // Dec 16, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    : P

  • 7 James // Dec 16, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    for the record, the magazine was paired with a copy of this one, which my roommate (who is just as incredulous about the whole thing as I am) apparently picked up because it contains an article claiming that Jay-Z is an important, high-up member of the Freemasons.

    Not having actually read that magazine (only glanced at the cover) I was troubled by the following items:
    a) the headline is “[the] Black Eyed Peas Wanna Pop the Shit Out You!”, a singularly unpleasant mental picture if I’ve ever heard one, and
    b) the fact that the Black Eyed Peas are even TRYING to appear totally bad-ass, not to mention
    c) the guy on the left is totally biting MF Doom’s style, and is so much more famous than MF Doom that he will probably get away with it, which I find depressing.

  • 8 Aaron // Dec 16, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    Best post in weeks. Thanks for the laugh.

  • 9 BC // Dec 17, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Readers?

  • 10 MzFitz // Dec 17, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Is there an emoticon that represents Don King?

  • 11 Dave // Dec 17, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    The Don King emoticon, fo shizzle: ===:-D

    At least according to this website: http://www.anapsid.org/internet/smileys.html

    B-)

  • 12 Dave // Dec 17, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I mean, what are the odds that there ACTUALLY is an established Don King emoticon? Total weirdness!