a somewhat unorthodox review

July 25th, 2010 · 7 Comments · By

It’s a “slow news day,” as they say, so here’s something amusing:  If you were at the Tea Bazaar on Wednesday, you probably remember a certain unidentified gentleman acting slightly unconventionally, up near the front of the stage, and causing no shortage of alarm and discomfort among his fellow concert-goers.  My friend Hank turned to me and said: “forget reviewing shows, someone should review that guy.”  I (James) said “You should do it! I’ll totally publish that.”  (I know: ‘act in inebriation, repent in leisure,’ right?)  Anyway, here’s Hank’s review (everything below is his):


The Second Coming, or Just Another Hippie?

By Hank Zeman

Many theologians have speculated about the second coming of Christ, but I am pretty sure I have seen it. It was the other night  at The Invisible Hand show at the Teahouse , when a crazed hippie decided to take all of his fellow concert goers hostage in a reign of fear invoking dance moves. As I used to live Ashville NC I feel that I am kind of a connoisseur of crazy hippies, so I thought I would review him. This Hippie’s Manifesto seemed to be centered on his ludicrous dance moves, so I will describe them for you here.

1. The possum: he would lay on floor not moving or hardly breathing for several minutes giving the crowd the false hope that he was in fact dead. This prompted one of the bands to ask him to respect the dance floor so every one could have room to dance. He did not listen.
2. Making love to the teahouse: he had violent carnal relations with both the floor and the walls of the Teahouse. This included hip thrusts, and at one point the licking of the walls.
3. The molestation: he garbed my man boobs and squeezed my nipples!

As Far as crazy people go he wasn’t the craziest I have ever met. He never threatened my life, or used any religious ramblings. Still, as far as crazy people attending concerts go,I feel the bar has been set nicely. I give him three out of five tin-foil hats in the crazy dude scale

Tags: rants & rambles · review

7 responses so far ↓

  • 1 James // Jul 25, 2010 at 11:43 pm

    Hope this doesn’t seem too mean-spirited. Ordinarily, making fun of / criticizing a concert attendee is something I wouldn’t think was appropriate. On the OTHER hand, when said concert-goer is the sort of person who goes well out of his way to call attention to himself, make his fellow patrons uncomfortable, and generally make a ludicrous and attention-seeking ass of himself: well, fair game, I say. Hope you enjoyed this brief interlude of levity from our ever-growing pool of Nailgun correspondents.

    Also: I thought the Invisible Hand were pretty goddamn great that night; maybe the best set I’ve seen from them in months. Enjoyed the Super Vacays as well (although I think I liked their sound more than their songs), and what little I heard of Ham1 (who were kind enough to give me a CD; it’s sitting a the top of my “CD in-box” at the moment.

  • 2 jon bray // Jul 26, 2010 at 4:04 am

    doood, that guy was kind of staring at me at the beginning of the night, so i gave him a wave and “hello”, and then he strait up b-lines it to my grill peace and then “beat boxes” for probably a minute and half WTFS!?

  • 3 Sarah // Jul 27, 2010 at 9:45 am

    that guy’s name is troy and i was informed by zap on thursday that he is actually BANNED from the tea house.

  • 4 Hank // Jul 27, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    Over this? Either way that’s too bad. I fond him amusing and I was glad for a little chaos.

  • 5 coogan // Jul 28, 2010 at 10:29 am

    unorthodox review and unorthodox spelling of unorthodox.

  • 6 James // Jul 28, 2010 at 11:56 am

    oops! yeah, i appear to have facked that up pretty badly. thanks Coogan

  • 7 Belva Stone // Aug 15, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    Way to make fun of the mentally ill, Eric.
    I’m surprised YOU of all people wouldn’t be a bit more sensitive.